Hello, lovelies! Ever wondered about the ancient stoners? Those ancestors of ours who, despite not having the luxury of Doritos or Netflix, decided to light up some plant and see what happened? Let’s take a whimsical journey through the wacky and weird history of weed aficionados.
Let’s start with our boy, Herodotus. If we had Twitter back then, he’d probably be like, "Just tried this new plant, guys. Totally expanding my mind. #AncientHighTimes.” It’s rumored that the ancient Scythians used to hotbox in small tents. They’d throw cannabis on hot stones and just breathe. No wonder Socrates never made any sense! Philosophizing was probably a lot easier (and funnier) while giggling uncontrollably.
Did you know that medieval manuscripts mention the “green herb”? Monks, in between making beautifully illuminated texts and chanting, might've been taking literal high breaks. A monk with the munchies might've been the real genius behind thick fruitcakes and copious amounts of wine.
Jump to more recent times. Jamaica in the 1930s. You think dreadlocks and reggae, right? But what if I told you that before Bob Marley made "One Love," some believed smoking up was a sacred act? Which, let’s be honest, after you’ve heard "One Love" for the millionth time...you start to believe it too.
Flower power! The 60s brought us free love, psychedelic rock, and the most iconic stoners of all time. Imagine Woodstock, but everyone's too mellow to even stand up. How did they even invent tie-dye? Was it just a stoned artist going, “Whoa, swirls, man!”?
From Cheech & Chong to "The Dude," Hollywood realized pretty quickly: stoners are hilarious. They gave us legendary scenes of bizarre adventures, bizarre friendships, and bizarre snacks. Always snacks. You know the saying, “Life imitates art?” Well, I say, “Life imitates stoners watching art.” Or something like that. Look, I forgot where I was going with this. Let’s move on.
Today, cannabis is not just a plant. It's an industry, a lifestyle, a meme! With marijuana being legalized in many places, it's gone from being the vice of rebels to being sold in chic boutiques and even having its own influencers (a term our stoned philosophers might've laughed at). But no matter how mainstream it gets, there will always be that weirdo trying to make cannabis-infused socks or something.
And that, dear readers, is a whimsical (and possibly inaccurate) history of our planet's oddest weed lovers. Whether you partake or not, there's no denying that the world's been a little brighter, a little funnier, and a lot weirder thanks to them.
So here’s to the ancient Scythians, the munchy monks, the hippies, the movie legends, and all the modern-day Mary Janes. Keep doing you, and maybe share those cannabis socks if you find them. We could all use a laugh!